
Bell Elliott Palmer 


Price 25 Cents 

~ Sldridge ~ 

6'ntertmnmentJiouse 

. 'Jmnfytin, Ohio. , 
Denver.Colo. swk 

9-ff s.looan sr. 


NO PLAYS EXCHANGED 






































Money-Making Entertainment Novelties 
for Church, School or Lodge 

Miss Nibbs* Novelty Shop 

By Alta Becker. This is a novel and humorous en¬ 
tertainment, introducing ’Liza Ann, Miss Nibbs, two 
traveling salesmen, shoppers, mechanical dolls and 
mechancal maid o£ all work. A good little stunt where 
a short, clean, humorous number is desired. Plays 
about SO piinutes. Price, 25c. 

The Brightville Indoor Chautauqua 

By Bessie Baker and Nellie Hanna. Here is a brand 
new idea for an evening’s entertainrpent. It is in 5 
parts, each part representing a day at Chautauqua. 
Gives wide sccpe for introduction of large cast and 
many specialties. Complete programs suggested as 
follows: Part 1, Chautauqua Concert Company; Part 
2, Living Pictures; Part 3, Musical Entertainers; 
Part 4, Farmers’ Night; Part 5, Coonville Jubilee 
Singers. Price, 35c. ~r. 

Sorepaw & Fells Indoor Circus 

By Margaret S. Bridge and Margaret H. Hahn. The 
Grand Annex and Musee, Freaks, Curiosities and 
Monstrosities, never were in it with the marvelous, 
amazing, mystifying array outlined in its pages. Ar¬ 
tistic, ambling, agile, ’andsome acrobats; cajoling, 
cadaverous, costly, curious, cunning clowns; Hee- 
Shee, the Monkey Girl of Yucatan; all of these and 
many others will be seen in the Big Peerade before 
the show starts, ladies and gentlemen. Keep to the 
right—don’t crowd. Price, 23c. 

As Ye Sew 

A “talking doll” missionary play by Dorothy Crich¬ 
ton. A lot of fun and some wholesome lessons are 
contained in the conversation of the dolls who dis¬ 
cuss the motives of their donors. Splendid for Young 
People’s or Missionary Societies. 10 girls, 1 boy, «r 
all girls. Time, 20 minutes. Price, 15c. 

Finding the Key 

A dialog and drill for 10 or 12 girls and hoys. Suit¬ 
able for any religious program, but especially for 
Easter. Time, 20 minutes. Deals with problems of 
youth, recreations, etc.; also with these of Commun¬ 
ity Life and the present spirit ©f Unrest. Interspersed 
With suggested songs. DriH very effective. 25c. 


Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLS. 

944 S. Logan St. 
























They Do Say 


An Entertainment for Women’s Clubs or Societies. 

By 

BELL ELLIOTT PALMER 

Author of “The Hoot Owl”, “A Budget of Plays”, 
“There You Are”, etc. 


PRICE 25 CENTS 


Copyright, 1924, Eldridge Entertainment House. 



PUBLISHED BY 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 
Franklin Ohio also Denver, Colo. 




P53S3f 

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CHARACTERS 
Mrs. Perkins 
Mrs. Rawlings 
Mrs. Fendley 
Mrs. Cummings 
Mrs. Roberts 
Mrs. Carpenter 
Rose Hadway 


Time of Presentation—Forty-five minutes. 
Costumes—Simple ginghams or plain woolen effects. 


PROPERTIES 

Furnishings for very simple living room. Oak or Old 
Mission furniture. Cushions and table-throw of several 
colors to give variation in scenes. Work basket, big 
screen, sewing machine, lamp and big clumsy vase for 
flowers. : 


^)CI.D 70422 

FEB 13 1925 


Tm» ( 


They Do Say 


SCENE I. 

[Very plainly-furnished living room of Perkins 
home. Mission (or oak ) furniture. Two stiff chairs, 
one rocker , table with lamp, work-basket and pile of 
newspapers . Mrs. Perkins darns stockings near table at 
center. Knock comes at door rear.'] 

Mrs. Perkins [glancing up from sewing]. Come 
in! 

[Enter Mrs. Rawlings. Wears gingham dress, a 
shawl over shoulders. Looks very excited.] 

Mrs. Perkins. Why, good morning, Lucinda. Have 
you finished your work already? Sit right down. 

Mrs. Rawlings [dropping into nearest chair, she 
throws back her shawl]. No, I am never through work. 
Seems like it piles up, two things to do to every one done. 
But I just ran over to ask about Jerald’s cold. 

Mrs. Perkins. It took the form of croup and I 
was mighty worried all day yesterday ; but he’s sleeping 
peaceful now, and I hope the worst is over. [Turns the 
stocking on ball, runs needle here and there.] What 
happened at church yesterday? I was powerful sorry I 
couldn’t go. 

Mrs. Rawlings [with sigh]. Grandfather’s 
rheumatism was worse, so I couldn’t make it either. 
[Leans forward, in chair.] I am awful glad now I didn’t 
go, considering the shocking thing that happened there. 

Mrs. Perkins [dropping work into lap]. Shock¬ 
ing thing that happened? What do you meian? I do hope 
those disrespectful young people did not giggle and cut 
up in the back of the church as I have known them to do! 

3 



4 


They Do Say 


Mrs. Rawlings. If it had been the young people, 
it wouldn’t have been so terrible, they being so full of 
animal spirits; but when one thinks of the wealthy and 
dignified Mr. Fieldman stooping so low as to fairly in¬ 
sult a pretty, sweet-natured little widow like Mrs. Had- 
way. And they have a son and daughter engaged to 
each other, too! [Throws out hands, unable to continue .] 

Mrs. Perkins. For goodness’ sake, Lucinda, stop 
raving and get down to facts. What did Mr. Fieldman 
say to Mrs. Hadway ? It don’t sound a bit like him to be 
rude; and he always seemed so pleased with the engage¬ 
ment of his Tom and Mrs. Hadway’s Rose. 

Mrs. Rawlings [with sigh]. I only wish to good¬ 
ness anyone knew what he said. But Susan Tremiblet, 
who told me about it, insists he was too big a coward to 
speak above a whisper. But just as he met Mrs. Had¬ 
way, when they was both* coming down the church aisle 
after service, he bent over and whispered something and 
his face was all flushed and drawn, and poor Mrs. Had¬ 
way reached out a hand and almost had to push him away 
and he put his hand in his breast pocket like he was 
hunting for something—maybe a revolver. 

Mrs. Perkins {much worked up]. Well, I like 
that! To think that Mr. Fieldman, whom we’ve all liked 
so much, belongs to the class that goes about threatening 
widows and orphans! [ Sits up very straight.] I only 
wish I had been there to see it through. Mrs. Hadway 
is so refined and quiet-natured she doesn’t know how to 
defend herself. But I would have shown that rascal in 
lamb’s clothing just where to get off. 

Mrs. Rawlings [sighing]. Yes, I only wish I 
could have been there to help her out myself. Seems like 
grandfather’s rheumatism always comes at the most in¬ 
convenient moments. ’Tain’t the first time I’ve missed 
something thrilling. But I guess the poor man can’t 
help it coming on just when it gets ready. He’s awful 
accommodating and would pick his timq if he could. [She 
gathers up shawl and puts it on.] Well, I must go. 




They Do Say 5 


There are just a million things to do before I begin on 
dinner. 

Mrs. Perkins. Thanks for coming over to tell me 
the news, Lucinda. I am certainly terribly upset! It 
wouldn’t be quite so bad if we only knew exactly what 
Mr. Fieldman said to Mrs. Hadway. Uncertainty is a 
terrible strain. 

Mrs. Rawlings [rising']. Well, I advise you not to 
try to find out. The quieter we keep about the matter 
the better. I haven’t told a soul but you, for the whole 
affair will prob’ly pass into a law suit, both families be¬ 
ing so prominent; and then we would be summoned as 
witnesses if they thought we knew a word about it. 

Mrs. Perkins [quickly]. You need not have any 
fears about my telling. I’d be scared to death to go on ♦ 
the witness stand. It always makes enemies out of 
some, and I would be afraid of being shot or kidnaped 
later on. 

Mrs. Rawlings [moving toward door rear]. I 
knew I could trust you, Kate. No, don’t get up. I know 
just how shaky you feel after such news. I’m awful 
glad Jerald is better. If I find out anything more, I’ll 
run back a second. Goodbye. 

Mrs. Perkins. For goodness’ sake, do, Lucinda. 

I never was so shocked and upset in my whole life. 
Good-bye. 

[Exit Mrs, Rawlings, door rear.] 

SCENE II. 

[Mrs. Fendley’s living room. Cretonne cushions in 
chairs; table pushed against right center wall has cre¬ 
tonne cover, magazines and big cheap glass vase holding 
flowers. Mrs. Fendley discovered sewing on child’s ging¬ 
ham, dress. Enter door rear, Mrs. Perkins. She wears 
loose, old-fashioned jacket over faded serge, man’s big 
straw hat. Drops into nearest chair.] 

Mrs. Perkins [drawing deep breath]. Excuse 

me for not knocking, Marion, but I was so excited I just 





6 


They Do Say 


had to rush in and ask you if you went to church yes¬ 
terday. 

Mrs. Fendley [smiling]. Why, what excites 
you so much about that, Kate? You are not on a com¬ 
mittee for a hundred per cent attendance, are you? Mr. 
Fendley and I got all ready to go to church, but our car 
stalled just a block down the street, and Agnes had a 
sort of toothache, so we got out and walked back home. 

Mrs. Perkins [folds hands in lap, nods myster¬ 
iously]. Well, it is a mighty good thing you didn’t go, 
or you would have been shocked to death. Not a sight 
for children, either, I should say! 

Mrs. Fendley [dropping sewing in lap excitedly]. 
What in the world do you mean, Kate? How could any¬ 
thing shocking happen in such a sacred place as the 
church? [Sighs.] It’s just like our auto to stall on the 
very day something happens. 

Mrs. Perkins [drawing chair a little nearer]. I 
really ought not to tell you. We will all be shot or kid¬ 
naped if we know anything about it. But it is all so 
dreadful and dangerous, I thought you ought to know. 

Mrs. Fendley. Land sakes alive! You needn’t 
be afraid of my telling if there is any danger of being 
shot, or kidnaped. But do go on! 

Mrs. Perkins. Well, if you hadn’t known me all 
these years, Marion, I wouldn’t expect you to believe a 
word of it. It’s all so dreadful. [Looks around room for 
possible listeners,] You see, poor sweet Mrs. Hadway 
was walking down the aisle after service, never expect¬ 
ing a thing unpleasant; but when she came to Mr. 
Fieldman’s pew, he sprang out right in front of her, his 
face as red and angry as a murderer’s, and whispered 
something so terrible to her that she turned and slapped 
him! 

Mrs. Fendley [horrified]. Slapped him—in 
church! Why, I can’t picture Mrs. Hadway slapping 
anyone—even in the dark of night. 

Mrs. Perkins [mysteriously]. No; and I guess 





They Do Say 


7 


you can’t picture a man like Mr. Fieldman, who has al¬ 
ways posed as so benevolent and refined, drawing a re¬ 
volver on a woman, and above all, a widow; but that is 
exactly what he did. 

Mrs. Fendley [gasping]. A revolver within the 
sanctity of the church! [With quick interest.'] I sup¬ 
pose the congregation came to the rescue? Or is the 
next thing you are going to tell me that poor Mrs. Had- 
way was killed! 

Mrs. Perkins [shrugging shoulders ']. I am not 
one to hand out a parcel of details unless I have seen 
them with my own eyes. But naturally it threw the con¬ 
gregation into a terrible turmoil. I guess Sheriff Jones 
probably separated them. He is a constant attendant at 
church, and the bravest man I ever knew. 

Mrs. Fendley [weakly]. Well, I never heard of 
such doings in all my days. And we with our cultural 
and welfare clubs and trying to raise our children right! 
What is the world coming to? 

Mrs. Perkins [rising]. Well, I must hurry right 
back to Jerald. I got Kitty Shinn to sit with him a few 
minutes because I thought you ought to know. [Sighs.] 
Like as not it will end all between Rose and Tom—and 
they so happy! More than likely Mrs. Hadway will have 
to go off with Rose on a trip to keep her heart from 
breaking entirely. But I guess it is a merciful escape 
after all, for dear sensitive Rose could not bear to have 
such a brute for a father-in-law. [Moves toward door.] 
But don’t forget to keep this a big secret or you might 
get into awful trouble along with everyone else that bab¬ 
bles. 

Mrs. Fendley. I wouldn’t dare breathe a word. 
I’m most scared to death! I do hope they won’t put de¬ 
tectives on us to watch which side we are on. 

Mrs. Perkins. More than likely they will. Good¬ 
bye. 

Mrs. Fendley. Good-bye. Thanks for coming 
over to let me know. 

[Exit Mrs. Perkins , door rear.] 




3 


They Do Say 


SCENE III. 

[Living room of Cummings home. Employ cush¬ 
ions and throws of different color from Scene II. Intro¬ 
duce sewing machine at left. Mrs. Cummings discovered 
sewing on machine.'] 

[Enter Mrs. Fendley in gingham dress, garden hat 
pushed far awry. She paces floor excitedly.] 

Mrs. Fendley [without stopping for salutation]. 
Land sakes, land sakes, Helen, what do you think will 
happen to us! You ought to appreciate this visit. I ran 
all the way across lots, expecting a revolver shot each 
instant. [Drops into chair exhausted.] I wouldn’t have 
come a step, only I knew you ought to be put on your 
guard, if you are to escape with your life at all. 

Mrs. Cummings I rising and crossing to friend, 
lays hand on her shoulder].’ Marion, whatever is the 
matter with you? Have you been over-working? Or is' 
this a part in the play you are going to give at the 
church ? 

Mrs. Fendley [tragically]. Play! I only wish it 
was. But this is real life—the kind a person might ex¬ 
pect to meet in a rough mining town, though, instead of 
in a refined little place like ours. 

Mrs. Cummings [drawing chair near, sits down]. 
For pity sake, Marion, tell me what you mean. I can not 
stand any more suspense. 

Mrs. Fendley [[quick excited voice]* Well, it will 
shock you to within an inch of your life, but I suppose it 
is my duty to warn you. You missed out of going to 
church on account of Harold’s broken arm, and our car 
broke down, so I didn’t get there either. But I had it all 
on -the best authority. . 

Mrs. Cummings. Had what? Do, for pity sake go 

on!- 

Mrs. Fendley. It all happened at church when 
dear Mrs. Hadway was coming down the aisle at the 
close of service. She just , reached Mr. Fieldman’s pew 




They Do Say 


9 


when he came plunging out at her, his fists clenched and 
his face a livid purple, and made some terrible remark 
to her. Then when she saw that he was going to choke 
her, she gave him a big slap and that made him so fur¬ 
ious he drew a revolver on her then and there. 

Mrs. Cummings. Merciful heavens! A revolver! 
He must have been insane. Such a perfect gentleman 
alwa}^s! [Quickly. j Don’t tell me he killed poor Mrs. 
Hadway. 

Mrs. Fendley [nodding j . He tried to hard 
enough, and if it had not been for Sheriff Jones’s pres¬ 
ence of mind, we would all be making preparations now 
for the poor darling’s funeral. He wrested the revolver 
away from Mr. Fieldman just in time; but several shots 
went off automatically and ruined the new Bible stand 
we slaved so hard to put in. About fifty of the women 
members fainted dead away and the men got so excited 
they threw Bibles and hymn books everywhere, injuring 
several persons severely, so I guess our hospital is 
crowded to the top notch by this time. [ Takes little gasp 
of breath and goes on.] But that isn’t the worst of it. 
Poor Rose has broken off with Tom and she was so ill 
that two doctors had to be called to save her life; and now 
Mrs. Hadway is packing to take her abroad to help her 
keep her very reason. 

Mrs. Cummings [iveakly~\. I never, never heard 
of such an outrage in my life. Such a sample of brutal¬ 
ity for our young people, too. And all of us trying so 
hard to raise our children right. 

Mrs. Fendley [sighing] . Yes, if all our children 
hang on the gallows, it will be no fault of ours. What 
can we, as parents, do when even the church is subjected 
to such shocking scenes as that? 

Mrs. Cummings [with sudden new thought ]. Mer¬ 
ciful heavens! What will we do with all the presents 
we’ve been making for Rose’s hope chest? I guess we’d 
better have a bazaar and sell them to get a new Bible 
stand; though I am sure I’ll never dare step into that 




10 


They Do Say 


church again. And I am positive none of my children 
will, if that is the form of religion they are going to re¬ 
ceive. 

Mrs. Fendley [rising],. Dear me! I must be go¬ 
ing. I am afraid to step out into the street for fear I 
will be shot or meet someone who asks me a question 
about it. You see everyone is taking sides and we will 
all be subpoenaed if we give our views. [Sighs.'] It is 
a fearful strain to have to ke,ep so still. 

Mrs. Cummings* [also sighing]. Yes, it is so easy 
to let just one word slip. If only I had the ulcerated 
tooth I had last month, when I couldn’t speak a word. 
Everything comes at just the wrong time. I am mortally 
afraid I might say something and then I’d probably be 
shot later by the Other Side. I guess I won’t stir outside 
the house at all. 

Mrs. Fendley. That’s the best plan. It’s an aw¬ 
ful risk, even to say good morning to a friend. A detect¬ 
ive, watching, might read your lips wrong. Well, I must 
be going. Remember, not a word as you value your life. 

[Exit Mrs. Fendley, door rear. Mrs. Cummings 
sinks hack in chair in utter collapse.] 


SCENE IV. 

[Living room of Roberts home. Big screen placed 
in front of sewing machine. Cushions replaced with dif¬ 
ferent color. Table, near front center, holds balls of car¬ 
pet strips. Mrs. Roberts discovered sewing on new strips, 
big basket of colored rags at her side. Excited voice is 
heard outside, door rear.] Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. Roberts, 
are you in? 

Mrs. Roberts [rising]. Yes, Mrs. Cummings. 
Come right in. 

[Enter Mrs. Cummings with shawl over her head, 
dark cotton dress, breathing in quick gasps.] 

Mrs. R. Whatever is the matter, Mrs. Cummings? 
Is someone ill? 





They Do Say 


11 


Mrs. C. [ dramatically ]. Hundreds of persons! I 

know now how earthquake and war countries must feel! 

Mrs. R. For mercy sakes, Mrs. Cummings, don’t 
tell me our country has declared war again—and me sit¬ 
ting sewung carpet rags in what I thought was a land of 
peace! But do sit down. 

Mrs. C. [sinking into chair, as hostess takes anoth¬ 
er'. Our town has declared war! I knew you didn’t 
get off to church yesterday, for I didn’t see you go by, 
and so I risked my life to tell you the news. 

Mrs. R. Well, now you’ve risked it, do, for mercy 
sake, go on wjth the rest. 

Mrs. C. I’m trying to, and I don’t ask you to be¬ 
lieve me, but you’d better if you value your life. -— It be¬ 
gan with poor Mrs. Hadway walking innocently down 
the aisle at the close of service, when Mr. Fieldman 
rushed out of his pew, and without a word of warning, 
drew his revolver on her. Sheriff Jones sprang over 
three rows of seats just in time to save her life, but one 
bullet entered her arm and the rest went into the new 
Bible stand, making it a perfect wreck. A hundred 
women tainted and 1 guess some of them never came 
back to life at all. And as many more got terrible 
gashes from flying Bibies and hymn books, and had to 
be rushed right to the hospital. I guess they will have 
to erect tents to hold a part of them, as there has never 
been such a cram. Rose and Tom are off forever, and 
everyone is taking sides that dares speak at all. And the 
Hadway and Fieldman homes are all roped off with 
scores of plain clothes men sworn in to guard them; and 
Mrs. Hadway is rushing Rose to France, where she has 
to go all the way on a stretcher, being at death’s door; 
and— 

Mrs. R. [ throwing out hand ]. Wait a second— 
wait a second. My head’s reeling so, I simply can’t fol¬ 
low so fast. Is this a dream I am having, or are you 
really sitting here, telling me this dreadful news? 

Mrs. C. [ gloomily ]. I am really here, though it is 





12 


They Do Say 


a miracle I got over alive. [With change of tone.] And 
I forgot to tell you that we are going to have a bazaar at 
Mrs. Slocum’s, Wednesday afternoon at three o’clock, to 
sell off all the presents we were making for poor Rose, 
the proceeds to go for a new Bible stand, if anyone ever 
dares enter that church again to use it. 

Mrs. R. [pressing hand to forehead]. This is 
simply shocking. I suppose it will kill poor Reverend 
Timbal]. He is so sensitive and refined. No doubt he 
is one of those at the hospital now. You know he has 
never been quite strong since his slight sunstroke last 
summer. It will probably take the form of brain fever 
with him. And Mrs. Timball so delicate! The 

shock of the whole thing may kill her. 

Mrs. C. [with another sigh]. Yes I suppose it 
will. I always thought our cemetery too big for such a 
healthful place as Doddsville, but I guess we’ll have to 
buy new ground this very week to hold all the caskets. 
But don’t breathe a word of what I’ve told you or you’ll 
have to go on the witness stand as knowing something, 
and probably be shot later. I am afraid to say the simp¬ 
lest word for fear I’ll get a threatening letter from One 
Side or the Other, or be dragged out of my bed at mid¬ 
night and hung. 

Mrs. R. Heavens alive, there is no danger of my 
sailing anything, even to Ed. He is so truthful that if 
he was ever questioned, he would probably think it his 
duty to say I mentioned the subject to him. 

Mrs. C. Well, I must hurry home and begin lay¬ 
ing plans for the bazaar. It seems a shame to sell the 
presents we were making for poor darling Rose, but I 
guess they might as well go for some good. I suppose 
they will have to take her to the station in an ambul¬ 
ance, since she’s near death’s door. Good-bye. 

Mrs. R. Good-bye. Excuse me for not going to 
the door, but I am that tuckered out I doubt I can ever 
walk again. 

Mrs. C. Oh, that’s all right. I have about the 





They Do Say 


13 


same feeling myself. I shouldn’t wonder but that we 
will all be occupying hospital tents from nervous pros¬ 
tration, if nothing else, before many more hours pass, 

[Exit Mrs. Cummings, door rear.'] 

SCENE V. 

[.Living room of Carpenter home. Remove screen 
and sewing machine. Throw silk cushions and drapery 
about. If possible, wicker chairs for oak. Mrs. Carpen¬ 
ter at table, writing letters. Mrs. Roberts appears in 
doorway suddenly, wears neat inexpensive suit, straw 
hat. She drops down in chair ivithout a word.] 

Mrs. Carpenter [looking up from writing]. For 
goodness sake, Louise, where did you come from? I 
didn’t hear your step until you were right before me. 

Mrs. Roberts. No, because I was walking on tip¬ 
toe, so none of the militia or detectives could hear me 
coming. 1 know now exactly how a poor criminal must 
feel when he tried to evade officers. 

Mrs. C. [ deeply puzzled ]. I don’t understand you, 
Louise. You surely haven’t done anything for which 
you could get arrested! That isn’t like you. 

Mrs. R. [darkly]. You don’t have to do anything 
to get arrested here. Hundreds are being taken up on 
mere suspicion. But Maggie Stillman told me you did 
not go to church yesterday, so I thought I ought to warn 
you at any cost. 

Mrs. C. Thank you for that. But now please tell 
me what about. 

Mrs. R. [leaning back in chair, speaks dismally ]. 
Oh, I am too weak to go over all the dreadful happen¬ 
ings. But what with poor Mrs. Hadway going into blood 
poison, with her shot arm and dear Rose at death’s door 
from a broken heart—and Reverend Timball tossing 
with brain fever—and his wife unconscious from the 
shock—and hundreds dying at the hospital—and the 
state militia called outfall on account of the terrible re- 




14 


They Do Say 


mark Mr. Fieldman made to darling Mrs. Hadway, when 
he sprang at her in the church aisle and shot off half 
her arm, besides ruining the new Bible stand we just 
finished paying for. 

Mrs. C. [with gasp]. Louise, you can not mean 
any of this! 

Mrs. R. [grimly]. I can and do. 

Mrs. C- Do tell me more about it. I never was so 
shocked and grieved in my life. I wonde;r why in the 
world Mr. Carpenter did not tell me about it. He was at 
church yesterday. 

Mrs. R. [mysteriously]. I guess he didn’t dare. 
Anyone who speaks a word about it will have to go on as 
a witness in the big trial that’s bound to come, and that 
will make enemies on One Side or the Other for them, so 
that later they will be killed. [Rises],, But I really can’t 
go much farther into the horrible details, I am that 
weak.. But with this much warning you can realize the 
importance of keeping utterly still and staying inside 
your house. It’s a terrible risk to walk the streets. I 
wouldn’t have done it for anyone but you. 

Mrs. C. T shall not stir a step until Tom gets home 
for dinner, for I’m struck dumb with terror. There’s no 
danger of my talking. 

Mrs. R. [moving toivard door]. It is awful shock¬ 
ing—and Doddsville was always such a refined little 
place until this terrible blow came upon us. Good-bye. 

I hope I live to see you again. 

Mrs. C. [weakly]. I hope you do, Louise. Good¬ 
bye. 

[Exit Mrs. R. y door rear.] 

SCENE VI. 

[Same as Scene I. Two hours later. Mrs. Perkins 
with head swathed in bandage, sits near table, pouring 
medicine from bottle into spoon.] 

Mrs. Perkins [soliloquizing]. If this headache 




They Do Say 


15 


goes on much longer I know it will pass into brain fever. 
But of course, there is no use sending for a doctor with 
hundreds needing them at the hospital. 

[Knock at door. Mrs. Perkins starts, takes up po¬ 
tato masher from table at her side.] 

Mrs. P. [in quavering voice]. Who’s there? 

[Enter Mrs. Fendley, Mrs. Cummings and Mrs. 
Roberts; the first two carry pokers, Mrs. Roberts a hea¬ 
vy tack hammer. All sink weakly into chairs.]', 

Mrs. P. My goodness, it’s a relief to see you, ladies. 
It gives me the creeps to stay alone one; instant, broad 
daylight as it is. 

Mrs. Fendley. We felt the same way, so we 
thought if we got together and talked over the bazaar, it 
might save our reason. [Lifts poker.] We did not dare 
stir out without being armed. 

Mrs. Roberts. I simply could not find our poker, 
so I thought a quick blow of this hammer might do. 

Mrs. Cummings. I think we ought all to get per¬ 
mits to carry revolvers and learn how to shoot them, too. 
Far as I see matters are only going from bad to worse. 

[Sound of girls' laughter heard outside door. Enter 
Rose Hadway in pretty tennis costume, carrying racquet. 
She beams upon all present.] 

Rose [as women stare wildly]. Why good early- 
afternoon to you, dear neighbors. Have I interrupted a 
business meeting? 

Mrs. P. [with nervous start]. Rose, is that you? 

Rose [deeply surprised]. It surely is. Have I 
aged so much over night? Tom and I have been playing 
tennis and we are ravenously hungry. I just ran in to 
pilfer some of your delectable cookies. Tom is waiting 
outside in your hammock under the apple tree. He said 
he was ashamed to come in as he had made off with so 
many of your cookies in recent days. 

Mrs. Cummings [faintly]. How is your mother, 
dear? 




16 


They Do Say 


Rose. Finest ever, only terribly busy with my 
trousseau: 

Mrs. Fendley [ anxiously ]. Have you heard any 
late news about poor Reverend Timball? He—he isn’t 
dead ? 

Rose. Dead? Why, I should say not! How funny 
you all talk today. I saw him down at the mission, work¬ 
ing with all his usual pep, just .before Tom and I began 
playing tennis. 

Mrs. P. [weakly]. There’s a bag of cookies right 
here on the table. Take them dear. I was thinking ofe. 
carrying thqm to the hospital, but I didn’t dare go. 

Rose [darting at hag , takes out one and bites into 
it], U-um, a regular feast! Thanks so much, dear Mrs. 
Perkins. I hope it isn’t too wicked to rob the hospital. 
But you’ll be making more soon? 

Mrs. P. i [nodding head], _ Yes, dear, if my head 

ever comes around to natural. 

Rose [crossing nearer, puts hand on Mrs. Perkins’ 
head]. Why, you poor dear, you are all bandaged up! 
I am so selfish and piggish not to have noticed before. 
[Shuts up bag.] But thanks ever so much for the deli¬ 
cious cookies. I must hurry out now, or Tom will be call¬ 
ing in such loud halloos that he will hurt your poor head. 
Good-bye, all. 

Ladies [faintly]. Good-bye. 

[Exit Rose, door rear.] 

Mrs. P. [in far-away voice], I guess we are all 
plumb crazy and seeing things. I can’t make head or 
tail to this. 

[Enter Mrs. Rawlings and Mrs. Carpenter in dark 
ginghams, straw hats, gay with flowers. Both smiling 
broadly.] 

Mrs. P. [dreamily] . Sit down, ladies. 

Mrs. Rawlings [as both take seats.] I just ran 
over to correct a little mistake of mine, Kate. I hope you 
haven’t been worrying about it. You remember, I told 




They Do Say 


17 


you Mr. Fieldman made a rude remark to Mrs. Hadway? 
But he did not at all. Leta Summers was standing right 
next to Mrs. Hadway in the aisle and she heard the whole 
thing. You know Mr. Fieldman always makes such a 
terrible noise when he sneezes, and he bent over and 
whispered to Mrs. Hadway, ‘‘There was too much 
draught this morning; I am afraid I am going to 
sneeze.” 

Mrs. Carpenter [ taking up the tale]. And Mrs. 
Hadway answered jokingly but with a very solemn face, 
“Please, please don’t!” Then her veil caught on Mr. 
Fieldman’s coat button and she reached out to loosen it. 

Mrs. Cummings [nodding excitedly ], That was 
why they thought she was reaching out to slap him. 

Mrs. Carpenter. And Mr. Fieldman bent over to 
help her loosen it. 

Mrs. Fendley [smiling]. Why, that was when 
they thought he was reaching down for a revolver. 

Mrs. Perkins [with long breath]. Then our 
church is as safe to enter as ever. 

Mrs. Rawlings. As safe as loving mother arms. 
Nothing terrible happened at all. 

Mrs. Perkins [after short silence]. My good¬ 
ness, that’s a comfort. [Thoughtfully.] But Reverend 
Timball will have to preach rousing seymons and the 
choir sing lively songs after this, or it will all seem—a 
little flat. 

Mrs. Rawlings. Quite so. 

Mrs. Fendley. Dull indeed. 

Mrs. Cummings. Most uninteresting. 

Mrs. Roberts. Very flat. 

Mrs. C. Very, very flat! 

[All shake heads and smile at each other.] 


CURTAIN 






HERE COMES ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL PLAY 


\ 


THE CENTIPEDE 

By Erastus Osgood 

“The Centipede” has all the necessary elements of a 
corking good amateur play. Clever but easy parts for 
each character, an interesting and actable plot, easy cos¬ 
tuming, and a “they-lived-happily-ever-afterward” end¬ 
ing. Full directions concerning stage settings, costumes, 
properties, etc. It plays a full evening. 

CHARACTERS 

Hugh Kennedy, “The Centipede.” 

Roberta, his sister, “The Robin.” 

Brusilla, “The Cuckoo.” 

Billy Sparks, “The Frog.” 

Agnes Featherly, “The Wren.” 

Mrs. Delilah Oberly, “The Porcupine.” 

Prof. Amos W 7 ise, L. H. D., “The Owl.” 

Cuthbert Bray, “The Donkey.” 

De Leon Franzeo, “The Fox.” 

Susie Carol, “The Sparrow.” 

Nance Chatterton, “The Magpie.” 

SYNOPSIS 

ACT I. “The Centipede,” with scarcely a leg to 
stand on. Time, winter. 

ACT II. “The Centipede” accumulates a bewilder¬ 
ing assortment of legs. Time, summer. 

ACT III. “The Centipede” becomes delightfully 
normal. 

Price 35 Cents 


Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Logan St. 


y 






















YOU WILL BE GLAD TO KNOW OF 

THESE NEW PLAYS 

Training Mary 

By Mary Shaw Page. A bright 1-act play with sim¬ 
ple stage setting. William, husband of Mary, essays 
to train Mary, especially along the lines of correcting 
carelessness. As is always the case, William gets in 
deep water, but finally wades out. 2 males, 4 fe¬ 
males, and plays about 43 minutes. Price, 25c. 

The Hired Mae’s Courtship 

By Alice Cripps. A shcrt comedy-drama in 2 acts. 
Captain Edwards tires of wealth and the city, and 
procures work on Horton's farm, only to find that the 
farmer’s daughter is an old sweetheart. Because of 
an intrigue on the part of the captain’s cousin, an es¬ 
trangement takes place, which ends happily when the 
captain finds the source of certain stories and re¬ 
futes them. Aunt Hepsey, Jim and Ezra (colored), 
add comedy to the play. Plays about 45 minutes, 
and is for 3 males and 3 females. Price, 23c. 

Merely Anne Marie 

A comedy in 3 acts by Beulah King. 3 males, 5 fe¬ 
males. Time, 2Yz hours. The scenes are laid in a 
fashionable boarding house, and the characters are all 
distinct types and worth while. A successful play¬ 
wright, desiring to escape notoriety, seeks seclusion 
at Mrs. Teague’s and becomes the hero of Anne Ma¬ 
rie, the dining room maid. The dialogue is bright, 
the situations clever and the story ends happily. 33c. 

A Bit of Scandal 

By Fannie Barnett Linsky. Comedy-drama in 2 acts. 
Francina, who is to play at the recital, composes her 
own number. On the evening of the recital, Mary 
Sherman, who precedes her on the program, plays 
Francina’s compositions, which she has stolen. The 
reasons for the theft all come out later and of course, 
all ends well. Nine characters. Plays about 1 hour. 
Price, 35c. • 

Miss Burnett Puts Gee Over 

By Ethelyn Sexton. A rollicking 1-act girls’ play for 
6 characters. Barbara’s mother has a friend, Ann Bur¬ 
nett, who is to visit the girls at college, with the in¬ 
tention of giving a generous sum to the school. The 
girls, wishing o gain her good will, practice their 
“manners.” Miss Burnett, however, appears in dis¬ 
guise and has much fun at their expense. All ends 
well and the school gets the money. Plays about 45 
minutes. Easy setting and costumes. Price, 25c. 

Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Logan St. 
























Clever Mew Monologs 
and Recitations 

Monologs of Merit 

This we believe a splendid collection for elocution- 
ists or for schools* Contains many of the darky 
sketches of Blanche Goodman which do not appear in 
the “Viney Sketches.” Some novelty readings by 
Lydia McGaughey are “The White-wash Angel,” “A 
Pair of Boots,” “Robert Joins the A. H. T. A.,” “Rob¬ 
ert and the Auto,” “Seven, Seventeen and Seventy,” 
“In Grandma’s Day,” and others. Complete volume, 
75c. 

Help-U Dialog and Recitation Rook 

By various authors and a real help to the teacher. 
Here are some of the dialogs: “A Strike Mother Goose 
Settled,” “Casey’s Twins,” “A Lesson in Politeness,” 
“Program for Roosevelt’s Birthday,” “Boy Wanted,” 
“Helping Santa Claus,” “Aunt Phoebe’s Nerves,” and 
many others. These are for all grades up to gram¬ 
mar. An abundance cf choice recitations for all the 
grades. Price 40c. 

Merry Rhymes ©f Little Folks* Times 

By Margaret A. Fassiit. In this collection of choice 
little gems we present 40 short poems which are real 
‘‘Kiddie” talk. They can be used as recitations by 
little people or as child impersonations by adults. By 
the way, they will make good reading for mothers 
and fathers at any time. “The Red Head,” “Reflec¬ 
tions of a Pup,” “I Wish I Had a Ginger Cake,” 
“When You Ask About Your Fixin’s,” “Our Twins,” 
and many others will make you laugh. Price, 40c. 

Comforting Her Patient 

By Mrs. W. M. Carruth. Tells how an “impractical” 
nurse unloads her own and others’ troubles on her 
helpless patient. A good number. Price 15c. 

Gossip in Slowville 

By E. Haskell. Depicts the sayings of the village gos¬ 
sip and makes a very effective reading. Price 15c. 

The Spinsterhood of Mary 

A humorous number by Rhoda Barclay. Tells of 
Mary’s resolve to live and die an old maid and her 
sudden change of mind. Price, 15c. 

Mrs. Swattem Attends the Convention 

This monolog by Rhoda Barclay is an account of the 
many complaints of Mrs. Swattem while at the con¬ 
vention. Her sharp tongue wags industriously, if 
not truthfully. Price, 15c. 


Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Logan St. 


/ 







LIBRARY of congress 



HERE ARE A FEW OF OUR G0O1 


PUTTING IT UP TO PATTY 

Comedy-drama in 3 acts, by Seymour s. w 'i'ibbals. The story | 
of a farmers daughter, with a distorted view of life and an j 
ambition to marry a title, and the way she-is cured. 5 males, 

4 females. 1 interior setting. Plays 2^2 hours. Royalty of 
$5.00 required for presentation. Price per copy, 35c. 

GETTING EVEN WITH REGGIE 

Comedy in 3 acts by Seymour S. Tibbals. Reginald has made 
himself unpopular by his egotism. The class humiliates him. 

5 males, 8 females, any number of additional characters. 1 
interior, 1 exterior. Time, 1% hours. Royalty of $5.00 re¬ 
quired. Price per copy, 35c. 

SUE 

3- act comedy-drama by Ross Farquhar. Opportunities for 
strong character portrayal. Clever love story interwoven 
with m: 7 stery. 4 males, 4 females. 1 easy interior. Plays 
a full evening. Royalty of $5. OOl. required. Price, 35 cents. 

CLIMBIN' THROUGH 

Comedy-drama in 3 acts, by Ross Farquhar. Story of an ex- 
service man in hard luck, who obeys orders. 4 males, 4 fe¬ 
males. 2 easy interiors. Royalty of $5.00 for presentation. 
Price per copy, 35c. 

ANNE OF ANN ARBOR 

4- act comedy-drama by Ross Farquhar. A bright and lively 
comedy with an unique plot. A play emphasizing optimism 
and trust. 4 males, 4 females. Easy settings. Royalty of 
$5.00 required for presentation. Price per copy, 35c. 

WELCOME HOME JIMMY 

3-act play of the “Way Down East" type, by Eugene Hafer. 
Wholesome drama of the farm. 4 males, 5 females. Royal¬ 
ty, 1 performance, $10:00; 2 performances, $15.00; each sub¬ 
sequent performance, $5.00. Price per copy, 35c. 

WRECKING ROBERT'S BUDGET 

3-act comedy-drama by Eugene Hafer. Full of action, and 
worthy of the best efforts of any dramatic club. 7 males, 4 
females. Plays a whole evening. Royalty, $10.00 for 1 per¬ 
formance; $15.00 for 2 performances; $5.00 for each addi¬ 
tional performance. Price per copy, 35c. 


ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, 

FRANKLIN, OHIO al» 644 3. Lama St. DKNVliK. COLO. 


















